So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The ass gains better be worth it
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