I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
