your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize