I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
