Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize