let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
