Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize