I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want to make out with him forever
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
