pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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