he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
