Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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