Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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