so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
