she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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