Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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