Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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