I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
