youre lurking in front of me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize