I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
