i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
