I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
