No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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