If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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