Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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