is your mom at the bar?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
