Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize