Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
