He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize