I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
