Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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