My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
