She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
