My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
