so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
