do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
