Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
