My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
