OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
