if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
