The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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