the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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