Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
