literally had 100 drinks last night.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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