No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
