Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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