So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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