Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
