I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She bit a glass in half.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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