There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
