did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
