were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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