it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
