Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
