a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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