So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
