I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
