I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
