He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
