Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
