and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
