Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
