I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
