The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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