So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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