dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
