is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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