It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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