Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She said her name was "party"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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