i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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