Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
