he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
