WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
