Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
