I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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