I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
