I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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