im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
