I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
