I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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