nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize