So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
