What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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