You're earring is so big in my mouth
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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