I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
