I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
