well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
