Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
