I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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