When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
