She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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