did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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