can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
