Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
