I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize