he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
