could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
