I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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