She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize