Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
