i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
