there's paper in my vomit.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize