I want you more than these girls want KFC
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
