the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
