sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
