He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
