Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
