My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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