Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
