wrigley field is MILF paradise
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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