glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
