Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
